Living With Shadows: The Quiet Struggles We All Face
The Psychology of Shadows: Normal Craziness
Have you ever felt there’s a part of you that you don’t fully understand? A shadow or demon or spirit that lingers in the background, influencing your decisions, shaping your emotions, and giving life to you fears in ways you can’t quite pinpoint. It’s the quiet whisper of self-doubt, the surge of unexpected anger, or the pull of sadness that seems to come from nowhere. Those thoughts… you know them, if you have ever struggled with overwhelming depression, anxiety, loss, trauma, or something else. They aren’t -quite- normal, but you aren’t alone either. Otherwise, mental health wouldn’t be a growing “thing” that it is today. I recently spent 10 days in a Partial Hospitalization Program for my bipolar disorder because I thought that demons wanted me to commit some terrible acts of evil and that interdimensional beings are fighting an unceasing battle of good vs evil, that every. single. decision. thought. thing. choice. word. action. matters - I was going to stress myself to death. While it’s not my place to share anyone else’s story in that program, I can tell you that it’s quite normal to be “not normal”
On 02/28/2019 or February 28th, 2019 I wrote in my Moleskine journal, “2018 was a tough year. Early 2019 revealed the dark passenger had taken control of the wheel. In Miami, the Dark Passenger crashed the car…” I go on to detail my stay in the mental crisis unit, my new medications, and how I was doing my best to get my life back. I made new friends and strengthened old ones. Reached out to apologize to people in the past I may have hurt… I continued, “I had given up. Several times I envisioned suicide, …we will call 2018 a learning year. A year of hibernation & growth.”
The Dark passenger was a reference to the TV Show “Dexter” it wasn’t until a short time later I found out about Jung’s “Shadow”
This Dark Passenger isn’t unique to you—it’s a part of being human. Carl Jung called it “the shadow,” the hidden aspects of ourselves we often avoid confronting but that hold immense power over our lives. Sigmund Freud, too, hinted at this complexity, famously stating, “There is no such thing as normal... every person is only normal on the average. His ego approximates to that of the psychotic in some part or other and to a greater or lesser extent” Beneath our carefully constructed facades, we all carry pieces of ourselves that feel chaotic, strange, or even frightening - psychopathic.
But what if this shadow isn’t something to fear? What if it’s a key to understanding the struggles that so many of us face daily? Mental health, after all, isn’t a neat binary of “healthy” or “ill.” It exists on a spectrum—one that we all walk along at different points in our lives.
I continued in my journal halfway on the next page, “…I need to truly accept that I have, dare I say, demons - depression or bipolar that have crept up and overtaken me. It’s tiem to fight for who I was - this battle grows ever harder. But there is a nbrighter light than ever before. There is an internal psychopath in all of us. This became brutally apparent to me in Miami. The street of blood, the psychopathic route through Coral Gables. BE careful of approximating the positive feedback loop. Back to Miami - the psycho in me saw the future. VR Headsets. Remember those nuts partying in the lifeguard tower? Thinking life is meaningless means you have no responsibility. But we are responsible for ushering in the system & heaven & vision we want to achieve. This takes massive ownership and responsibility. WHAT YOU DO OR DONT DO MATTERS.”
Nothing is as it seems. No one is truly normal.
Before we dive into the statistics and explore the specifics of depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and other mental health conditions, let’s first acknowledge one truth: none of us is untouched by mental complexity. Whether we call it “normal craziness,” “everyday struggles,” or simply “being human,” the shadow is always with us. And understanding it is the first step toward healing, acceptance, and connection.
Key Statistics
Understanding the prevalence of mental health disorders is crucial for grasping their impact on society and the importance of addressing mental health needs. Here’s an overview of common mental health conditions, their prevalence among adults and adolescents, and the overall percentage of the population diagnosed with any mental health disorder.
1. Depression
Prevalence in Adults: Approximately 8.3% of U.S. adults experience a major depressive episode each year.
Prevalence in Adolescents: An estimated 13.3% of U.S. adolescents aged 12-17 had at least one major depressive episode in the past year.
2. Bipolar Disorder
Prevalence in Adults: About 2.8% of U.S. adults are diagnosed with bipolar disorder annually.
3. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
Prevalence in Adults: Recent estimates suggest that 6.0% of U.S. adults have ADHD.
Prevalence in Children: Approximately 11.4% of U.S. children aged 3-17 have been diagnosed with ADHD.
4. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
Prevalence in Children: Recent studies indicate that 1 in 36 children in the U.S. is diagnosed with ASD.
5. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Prevalence in Adults: OCD affects about 1.2% of U.S. adults annually.
6. Anxiety Disorders
Prevalence in Adults: Approximately 19.1% of U.S. adults experience anxiety disorders each year.
7. Schizophrenia
Prevalence in Adults: Schizophrenia affects less than 1% of U.S. adults.
Overall Mental Health Statistics
Adults: Nearly 1 in 5 U.S. adults experience some form of mental illness each year, equating to about 22.8% of the adult population.
Adolescents: Approximately 49.5% of U.S. adolescents aged 13-18 have experienced a mental disorder at some point in their lives.
NATIONAL INSTITUTE OF MENTAL HEALTH
Now that we see the statistics of the mental health portion of our humanity, let’s define some terms more concretely.
The Framework of Mental Health: From Shadows to Science
To better understand the shadow and its connection to mental health, it helps to explore the psychological framework of the mind and how our struggles are often shaped by deeper, less visible forces.
Key Psychological Concepts
Freud’s Id, Ego, and Superego
Sigmund Freud conceptualized the mind as a dynamic interplay between three parts:The Id: Our primal instincts and desires, seeking immediate gratification.
The Ego: The rational mediator between the id’s impulses and the superego’s morality.
The Superego: Our internalized ideals and societal expectations, often acting as a harsh critic.
Together, these forces create a constant tug-of-war that shapes our thoughts and behaviors. The id, in particular, mirrors Jung’s shadow, as both represent the parts of ourselves we often suppress or deny.
Jung’s Shadow
Carl Jung’s shadow is the darker, hidden side of the psyche—those traits, emotions, and desires we reject because they conflict with how we want to see ourselves. But rejecting the shadow doesn’t make it disappear; it grows stronger, influencing our actions in unconscious ways. Jung believed that integrating the shadow—acknowledging and understanding it—was vital for personal growth and wholeness.
So, if the Ego is the mediator between the Id and the Superego, then maybe my “bipolar” isn’t really bipolar at all? It’s just the internal struggle we all face on a “seasons of life” basis. Maybe Depression is just that - the tug of war between our shadow self and us. The Id and the superego. The id of wanting to be comfortable, safe vs the superego of societal expectations to be rich, fit or in shape, happy… These create conflicting images and with social media the way it is today it’s no wonder comparison truly is the thief of joy, we have a portal to another life in our pockets that we can immediately see a mirrored life we could be living, on the beach, on a yacht, in a supercar, at the gym, or in the club. Ages ago, we only had our family to compare ourselves to and those in the immediate village or tribe. Now, we can compare ourselves to anyone, almost anywhere in the world. We grew up in our family and we are constantly suppressing the life we are told we should be living. Instead of being blessed with what we have, we are jealous of what we are told we should have. No wonder we are depressed - it’s not just the food we are eating, the copious sugar we are ingesting, it’s the steady diet of comparison to others we are feeding ourselves. Almost everything is on a spectrum, so let’s pivot.
Mental Health Diagnoses: Context and Complexity
Mental health exists on a spectrum, but our understanding often depends on diagnostic frameworks like the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). The DSM:
Defines and standardizes diagnoses to aid clinicians in identifying mental health conditions.
Has evolved over time, with its first edition in 1952 focused primarily on disorders linked to psychoanalytic theory.
Today, the DSM-5 includes a wide range of conditions, reflecting advances in neuroscience, cultural shifts, and a deeper understanding of mental health.
However, diagnosis isn’t always straightforward. For instance:
Depression and anxiety may overlap or coexist with other conditions like ADHD or OCD.
Bipolar disorder may be mistaken for depression if manic symptoms are overlooked.
This complexity underscores the need for a nuanced view of mental health—one that sees disorders not as fixed labels but as part of a dynamic spectrum of human experience.
This complexity is what I want to address because I think MANY people struggle with a shadow, or dark passenger, but aren’t fully depressed, bipolar, ADHD, OCD, etc. and I really want to help the spouses and families, and most importantly - children of all of us who might struggle with a “shadow” or “dark passenger.”
Normal, But Not Quite: Finding Ourselves in the Gray
The reason Dexter is such a major hit is because all of can identify with this “Dark Passenger” or our shadow self. They may not always take the form of diagnosable conditions or dramatic disruptions, but they’re there—in the moments of doubt, fear, or sadness that creep into our daily lives. Mental health isn’t a binary of “sick” or “well”; it’s a spectrum we all inhabit, shifting with our circumstances, environment, and inner growth. This isn’t a flaw or a defect; it’s simply part of being human.
Normalizing Complexity
The idea of “normal craziness” invites us to see mental health as a natural aspect of life rather than something to be feared or stigmatized. Consider these everyday examples:
The coworker who struggles with anxiety, masking it behind meticulous planning and perfectionism.
The friend who battles subtle mood swings, appearing upbeat one moment and withdrawn the next.
The parent who feels overwhelmed and irritable but presses on, fearing judgment for seeking help.
These experiences, though varied, are reflections of the same shared truth: mental health is complex, fluid, and deeply personal. By normalizing this complexity, we reduce the shame often associated with it and open the door to conversations about healing and support.
The Shadow as a Universal Truth
Jung’s shadow reminds us that everyone has hidden parts of themselves they struggle to reconcile. Some of us suppress feelings of anger or resentment, while others bury fears of failure or inadequacy. These shadows, if left unexamined, can lead to shame and isolation. But when we confront them—when we acknowledge our “normal craziness”—we reclaim the parts of ourselves that make us whole.
Freud’s observation that “there is no such thing as normal” echoes this sentiment. What we perceive as “normal” is often an average, a construct. Beneath the surface, everyone carries their own battles and burdens. In this sense, embracing our shadows is not just about self-acceptance—it’s about recognizing that we are never truly alone in our struggles.
Destigmatizing Struggles, Embracing Self-Acceptance
Destigmatizing mental health requires us to reframe how we see it. Instead of viewing mental health challenges as “abnormal,” we can frame them as part of the broader human experience—a spectrum of emotions and behaviors shaped by biology, psychology, and life circumstances.
This shift in perspective encourages self-acceptance:
For individuals: It allows us to let go of shame and seek help when needed, knowing our struggles don’t define us.
For families: It fosters compassion, helping loved ones better understand and support each other.
For society: It breaks down barriers to mental health care, paving the way for a more empathetic and inclusive world.
A World Without Stigma
As you reflect on your own experiences, consider the shadows you carry. What parts of yourself have you hidden or rejected? How have they shaped your relationships, decisions, and self-perception? These questions are not meant to judge but to illuminate. By understanding and embracing our shadows, we not only heal ourselves but also create a space where others feel safe to do the same.
If you’re ready to take the next step—to share, listen, or simply connect with others who understand—join us in our community. Together, we can end the stigma, one conversation at a time.
Join the Conversation on Discord
Let’s walk this path together, from shadows to light.
